I tend to walk fast. Maybe it is part of my ‘location DNA’ but even when I can’t move fast, I try.
I’m a big-city girl, having grown up in Brooklyn NY, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Coming from NYC, everything moves fast. It really does. I rarely notice it unless I’m somewhere else and get frustrated that everyone is “so slow”.
Having lupus and having this need for speed can be a challenging combination. When I am forced to move slow because I am in a flare…it drives me nuts.
I’m getting out of a flare now. For weeks I haven’t been able to help but move slowly and it’s been so frustrating. Even while knowing that I can’t move any faster (because it is actually, physically impossible) and that I should move slowly so that I can recover, every fiber in my being wants to just GO. My inner voice, the rational, smart one, tells me it’s no big deal: “Slow down, what’s the rush?” “Don’t you want to feel better?” “At least you’re mobile.”So what do I do as soon as the prednisone kicks in and I get freedom?!…you guessed it, I’m racing again. I really can’t help myself sometimes. I weave in and out around people and keep a NYC pace as if someone were timing me from the train to the office or something.
I have to constantly remind myself that I am not over the flare and I can even feel my body start to force me to slow down with the swelling and pains. I just have to realise that in order for me to get back my natural pace (fast) I need to “slow the heck down!!!!”