It’s been about two weeks since my last post but I’m still here!
My brain and my body have been less-than cooperative. I’ve continued to be fatigued and in pain. Turtle-mode is my new speed (which I do not like very much). Oh have I been wishing for teleportation!
My energy is so low that more times than I’d like to admit, after I take a few steps outside, I wonder if I’m going to be able to get to where I need to be. When I walk home, labouring with every step, I can’t wait to collapse on the couch. What used to be short walks are now exercises in patience.
Lupus fog frequently has me either standing in my living room, unsure of what I am supposed to be doing, or struggling to find words. I also wonder if my mood has also been affected by the slow motion. It seems more difficult to muster the energy to be up-beat, (even though I’m not particularly sad), and maintain attention in conversations.
No matter how long I’ve been living with lupus, frustration still happens. I still grumble when I can’t move as fast or have to pull back from working out. I still feel self-conscious thinking that everyone is annoyed with my slow moving and slow thinking. That even my infrequent blog posts and decreased activity on Twitter would be noticed.
While I’m sure people who know me well might notice the changes, I know that everyone else is not focused on me. When I start to feel frustrated and self-conscious, I give myself calming pep-talks, focus on being mindful, and just try to get better.